Heart Attack on a Bun

There is truth in advertising after all.

An Arizona burger restaurant comes clean about the dirty reality of its fat-laden menu items with an in-your-face approach that forces diners to confront the realities of their eating habits.

Stop by the Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, AZ, and be prepared for a unique experience in an environment that deliberately looks to fast-track patrons to that edifice for which they are eventually destined—the hospital—should they choose to indulge overly their tastes for the likes of its offerings.

Customers don medical gowns and admittance bracelets upon entering, whereupon they are served by “nurses” and treated, for all the world, like patients whose hearts have given in to the strain of it all.

Punch up the website for Heart Attack and watch an enormous man—the restaurant’s 570-lb. spokesman—eating a burger and sipping a shake in the company of an attending nurse.

“I’m up another few inches,” he announces. “Who needs these old pants?”

The “Heart Attack Grill Diet,” the ad goes on to caution, “is not for everyone. Side effects may include: sudden weight gain, repeated increase of wardrobe size, back pain, male breast growth, loss of sexual partners, lung cancer, tooth decay, liver sclerosis, stroke and an inability to see your penis. In some cases, mild death may occur.”

On the menu to facilitate such transformation? Single, double, triple and quadruple bypass burgers, bottomless flatliner fries (cooked in lard), no-filter cigarettes, butterfat milkshakes and Jolt Cola. If you can polish off a triple or quad bypass, you score a free wheelchair ride to your car. What’s more, customers who top 350 pounds on the resident scale eat for free.

Torontonians looking for a similarly dubious eating experience should not despair. Dangerous Dan’s Quadruple C burger and the Burger Bar’s OMGTMJKM burger both enjoy good reputations for being spectacularly bad for you.